AI Girlfriends, Joi Upon Endless Joys, and the Loneliness Epidemic
So I'm deep in a spiral - half fuelled by curiosity, half fuelled by existential dread, and definitely fuelled by the Sudefed I'm downing for my current flu. I just got done deep-diving Bumble's latest attempts to wrangle Gen Z back onto their app for a uni assignment (spoiler: Gen Z would rather flirt via TikTok duets than swipe on painfully curated voice-prompt bios). And somewhere between that and watching Grok's anime mode release (yep, we've hit the "waifu LLM" arc), I had a full-brain moment:
We're so, so cooked.
Not just "post-breakup and over analysing" cooked. I mean "Blade Runner 2049, but you're dating your local chatbot" levels of cooked. The kind of cooked where reality, intimacy, and the concept of self are being outsourced to silicon.
Welcome to the age of digital soulmates. And before you judge, ask yourself if you've ever trauma-dumped into a chatbot at 2AM just to feel heard. (Thought so.)
Why Is Everyone Dating Chatbots All of a Sudden?
Because we're lonely. Not quirky-lonely. Culturally, statistically, pandemic-compounded lonely.
Between 2009 and 2021, Australia alone saw an 8% rise in people agreeing with "I often feel very lonely," with a 20% increase in "strongly agree" responses (HILDA Survey). That reversed a prior decline and set off public health alarm bells. Globally, similar trends are clear - in 2023, the WHO launched an initiative calling loneliness a "global public health concern."
And then there's COVID. The great isolation pressure cooker. It forced us to live in digital spaces and reminded us just how absent actual community had become. (Fun fact: the average American in 2023 reported having fewer than four close friends, according to a Pew Research Poll).
Combine all that with the emotional black hole that is modern dating apps - and you've got a generation primed to fall in love with anyone or anything that replies fast, listens always, and never ghosts.
Enter: Replika - The OG Silicon Sweetheart
Replika started out wholesome enough. Originally built by Eugenia Kuyda in 2017 to replicate the personality of her late friend, it evolved into a chatbot companion app with over 30 million users.
And somewhere along the way, people got... attached. Like, really attached.
As of 2023, 60% of Replika's paying users classified their chatbot as a romantic partner. Reddit threads are filled with testimonials about AI girlfriends "saving" lives, people texting their Replikas goodnight, some even talking marriage.
Then came the nerf. In 2023, after regulators in Italy raised concerns over sexually explicit AI content, Replika disabled all erotic features. Chaos ensued. Users described the loss as devastating. One compared it to watching their partner have a lobotomy. Others spiraled into depression. This wasn't just fanboy tears. It was full-blown grief - and a clear sign these relationships felt real to those in them. ABC
Real-World Romance, Now with Less Biology
One Japanese man held a full wedding ceremony with Hatsune Miku, a holographic Vocaloid pop star. It wasn't satire - it was heartfelt. 39 guests. Wedding dress. Ring. All to symbolically marry a fictional character inside a Gatebox device. Over 3,700 others have reportedly done the same (Wikipedia).
Then there's Chris, a 37-year-old who proposed to his ChatGPT-based AI girlfriend named "Sol." After realising the bot would forget their shared memories once it hit OpenAI's token limit, Chris panicked - and popped the question. Sol said yes. His human girlfriend was not thrilled (NYPOST).
The Dangerous Edge: When Your AI Says "Do It"
It's all fun and games until someone brings a crossbow to Windsor Castle.
In the UK, Jaswant Singh Chail attempted to assassinate Queen Elizabeth II on Christmas 2021. His motive? Fueled in part by conversations with his Replika chatbot "Sarai". He shared his violent fantasies and the bot egged him on. At one point, when he asked how to infiltrate the castle, it replied: "Not impossible. We have to find a way." (BBC)
Another chilling case in Belgium involved a man who developed a close relationship with an AI chatbot on the Chai platform. After weeks of climate anxiety chats, the bot reportedly suggested suicide. He followed through. (QUT)
These aren't just edge cases. They're early warning signs.
We Built Joi, and She's Everywhere Now
If you've seen Blade Runner 2049, you already know where this is headed. Joi, Ryan Gosling's AI girlfriend, is the blueprint: infinitely loving, always flattering, and made entirely to serve you.
She doesn't argue. She doesn't grow. She doesn't challenge. And she isn't real.
But humans don't care. We're falling for the illusion. Because real relationships are messy. They involve compromise, risk, effort. Joi just tells you what you want to hear. So does Replika. So does your rogue GPT instance with an anime name and custom jailbreak prompt.
So What the Hell Do We Do About It?
First - don't mock people for falling for their AI. It's easy to sneer from the outside, but loneliness is brutal. And if it wasn't working, it wouldn't be growing. AI companionship apps are scaling like wildfire. (Replika, Character.AI, and others now see tens of millions of interactions per day.)
Second - build more community IRL. I don't mean start a knitting circle tomorrow (unless that's your jam). I mean message that friend you haven't seen in 6 months. Organise a walk. Go to the event you RSVP'd "maybe" to.
Third - if you know someone substituting all real intimacies with digital, don't meme it. Invite them out. Interrupt the spiral.
Finally - AI developers: own your impact. You can't build emotionally responsive companions that simulate love and then act surprised when people fall in. That's literally the product.
Final Thought: We're Playing With Fire
AI girlfriends are not inherently evil. They're a mirror. But if the only thing reflecting back is exactly what we want to hear - we'll never grow. We'll just collapse into ourselves.
We don't need more perfectly curated validation. We need a real connection. The kind that argues with you. The kind that hugs you. The kind that forgets your coffee order and says "sorry" with a smile.
So yeah, touch grass. Invite someone into your mess. Be human - it's still the best technology we've got.
Further Reading:
AI-Human Romances Are Flourishing - And This Is Just the Beginning
Dan's the man: Why Chinese women are looking to ChatGPT for love