Part 3: Monopolies, Dev Blame Games & the Death of Parenting
We've covered the scope. We've covered the fallout. Now let's talk about the next three horsemen of the Nanny State apocalypse: monopolies, blame games, and the complete outsourcing of parenting.
🏢 Monopoly Mode Activated: Big Tech Wins Again
YouTube's in. Twitch is probably in. Nebula? Already on life support. The pattern is so predictable you could run it on Excel:
Compliance cost goes up → small players drown.
Market share consolidates → big players feast.
Choice evaporates → we pretend it's "consumer safety."
When your local indie video platform can't afford to spend $500k integrating an age-check API, they vanish. Their users don't disappear - they get funneled straight into the only platforms that can afford the bureaucracy.
End result? We herd every Australian under 18 into three giant walled gardens and call it "protection."
It's like banning all local cafés because they can't afford a fingerprint scanner at the door, then acting shocked when Starbucks becomes the only place left to buy coffee.
Absurd-but-likely examples:
Australian game streaming startup - dead before launch.
Niche LGBTQ+ teen safe-space forums - geoblocked because "compliance too hard."
Hobbyist cooking video sites - vanish, leaving kids' culinary education in the hands of TikTok recipes involving vodka and dish soap.
💀 Developer Blame-Shifting: Coming to a Courtroom Near You
Picture this: You hire a developer to build your app. You tell them you need to be compliant. They say, "No worries, mate. I'll just add a checkbox that says 'Are you over 16?'" - the kind of "security" that wouldn't stop a hamster.
Three months later, you're slapped with a $49 million fine for "inadequate age verification."
Guess who's on the hook? Not the dev. Not the contractor. You.
Under this legislation, liability lands squarely on the business owner. Which means if your contractor "vibe-codes" a compliance system out of JavaScript alerts and duct tape, you're the one explaining it to the eSafety Commissioner.
And let's be honest: there are already devs faking compliance. We've all seen:
GDPR "compliance" checkboxes that don't store the response anywhere.
Security features that are literally just front-end code with no backend validation.
"Encrypted" databases with the password set to
password123.
Absurd-but-realistic scenario: A dev integrates an age verification API, but in staging mode. Works perfectly in testing - in production? Everyone gets auto-approved. The breach goes unnoticed until an audit… and by then, you're holding the fine.
🧑⚖️ Digital Parenting via Legislation
Let's just say it: this is parenting by proxy.
Can't control your kid? Ban the internet. Too busy to install parental controls? Force every business in the country to implement facial recognition. Don't want to say "no" to TikTok? Just make it illegal for under-16s to have an account.
This bill is the bureaucratic equivalent of outsourcing bedtime to the police.
Instead of:
Teaching kids how to navigate the internet safely,
Using device-level restrictions, or
Actually supervising screen time,
…the government just drops the problem on the backs of tech companies and small business owners.
Absurd-but-plausible outcome: Your 14-year-old can still watch 6 hours of Andrew Tate content on YouTube without logging in, but can't join a local community forum about school chess because it's classed as "social media" and the admin can't afford an ID system.
Net effect? The problem kids still get the content, the well-behaved ones lose access to harmless platforms, and the actual cause - lack of engaged parenting - remains untouched.